Advice for man travelers

Sex, songs and massage

Sorry ladies, Vietnam is no doubt a man’s paradise, even if only for the eyes. You are likely to see more charming smiles, graceful bodies and seducing eyes per square kilometer than in any other place on Earth.

Although proposition is rampant, in Vietnam even the dancing girls and the taxi girls have retained an air of youthful naiveté and sincerity that adds to their already devastating charm.

But caution is always the best approach in uncharted territory. There is make up and then, there is life.

Karaoke and massage parlors are often the front door to come sleazy and personal service. The one thing to remember is that, except in the true –blue back alley clandestine bordellos, you can still go for a sing along or a regular Vietnamese massage in any establishment that advertises these services. Extra are extra and never compulsory.

DO remember that prostitution is still regard as a social evil, on top of being illegal. However, it is quite unlikely that you would get into any real trouble with authorities but you could be caught in an occasional police crackdown.

DON’T make serous promise you can not keep. Most Vietnamese ladies will be quite direct about their intentions, short and long term and in turn, will try and hold you to your word.

DON’T carry too much cash when visiting bars and nightclubs. When overstuffed wallets are fleshed in public, you never know who is watching. It could spell trouble a few hours down the road.

DON’T engage in unprotected sex. AIDS is spreading through Vietnam as fast as the country is opening up. There are a number of other diseases that you might have explain to a spouse or a partner when you get back home…Gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomoniasis… if the disease does not kill you, some one else might.

DON’T get drunk alone in public areas. Vietnam is a safe country, but do you really want to take the risk and become one of the rare crime victims?

DO report all crimes to the police. You will help improve the situation by not keeping silent.

DON’T ever abuse children. Be careful not to act in any way that could be seen as encouraging it.

Taxi girls and dancing girls

For someone in a hurry who does not know where to go, it is best to stick to the dancing girls, taxi girls and foreign-husband hunters mix with the normal crowds of fun seekers.

DON’T believe all what you are told. Girls who hang out at discotheque are simply not your traditional family-oriented career-dreaming types.

DO negotiate the price first before paying for the service. Be ware of “Oh, just anything you want to give me” price tag. It’s bound to get more difficult than that when comes to the time to hand out the cash.

DON’T have sex if you can manage it. Although prostitution can never be eliminated, it can be minimized. Very few girls choose prostitution as a fulfilling career!

But what about true love?

Well, it happens, sometimes. You are not the first foreigner to fall in love with a Vietnamese girl. If you are ready for long tem commitment, it is fairly to get married locally, as long as you have few weeks to spare and ways retrieve all your important papers from your home country (it will take 5 to 6 weeks)

DO remember that Vietnam has laws and regulations about marriage and that no matter how much of hurry you are in or how much you love each other; you will have to abide by these rules.

Family wedding and civil wedding

The Vietnamese regard the civil marriage as an “authorization from government to get married”. So strong is their belief in the family wedding as opposed to the civil one that government actually had to pass a decree forbidding the holding of the family wedding ceremony before getting the papers.

But if your partner is Vietnamese, the fun has just begun. After the civil wedding will come the engagement ceremony where elders of the groom’s family will meet elders from the bride’s family in order to exchange gifts and secure the authorization from both families to have their son/daughter married. May be before the law but not yet according to the traditions of a Confucian –based society. A “good day” will then be chosen for the ceremony. It will be based on the lunar calendar and your respective astrological signs. It could be a few days after the engagement or up to a few months or even a year. Have we talked about patience yet?

The final ceremony will involve both families and a few hundred friends and colleagues. Once a banquet has been held for all those people the, yes, you are husband and wife. The engagement and wedding ceremonies are highly colorful and full of interesting rituals. It is not the purpose of this book to delve into the complexities of these Vietnamese customs. Your future wife will guide you along this merry road.

DON’T think your foreigner status will exempt you from the government’s regulations on marriage and family law. The Vietnamese are proud of their achievements in this sector and they will resent any condescending attitudes or remarks.

DON’T try to go faster than the civil servants handling your case…yes; it can be a bit tricky if you or your spouse DON’T have all the necessary papers. But do you really want someone to put the brakes on and give you a real taste of stalled bureaucracy? A lifetime commitment is certainly worth a few weeks of patience.

DO remember that every culture has its customs which most of the time can look quite bemusing to an outsider. Just relax and enjoy the ride.

DO believe your future wife when she presents you with delays or additional difficulties. Again, most people will really do their best to welcome you into their family.